These are some pretty monumental times/incidents that I can say change the course of my life for better or worse...
This is a significant time in my life-- probably the most and ultimately set the stage for the path my life has taken since. I found a drawing a couple years ago when my family was gearing up to move that actually dates it back to Kindergarten, but, my personal memories start in first grade-- when a girl that I liked tag teamed me with some other girl in our class that I couldn't stand, and the two picked on me. I was a kid mind you, and a romantic even at that age, so it hurt, and ultimately angered me. But you couldn't be mad at the girl you liked right? You couldn't say anything to her or let them see how hurt you were-- and you didn't want to cry-- but you had to let it out somehow. Well my outlet-- I drew my first comic book-- Super Werewolves. In that comic, the Super Werewolves came to my rescue and defended me from the heckling, along with their terror dogs (inspired by the terror dogs from Ghostbusters of course). After that, not only would I have a love for werewolves (often times wishing I could become one, lol), but I would draw multiple Super Werewolf comic series and spin offs for years later. Then by the time I hit 4th Grade, I started drawing other comic ideas -- that developed into my love for films, videogames, and writing-- ultimately the man I am today---
But to note on that Kindergarten thing-- me and my mom found this drawing of mine from back then when we were packing things up to move in 2006, and it was on one of those long sheets of construction paper. I had it divided into 6 or 8 boxes. One box was labeled 'my family' and in it I had drawn my parents and sister. Another was labeled 'my house.' Well I don't remember what the others said, except for the final one-- labeled 'my future.' In it was a tv set and inside the tv set were the characters that would become the Super Werewolves. For whatever reason, I knew to write a caption to explain what that meant, and in the caption, I wrote, 'I will make films.'
This is simple one to explain. You want to know why I wanted to go to college-- look no further than this show. This was my main reason for wanting to experience college life.
This was impactful because we moved as a result of my dad's job having layoffs. I remember the fear I had as a child and the sadness I felt when we had to leave Columbus. I said I never wanted to give someone that much power over the direction of my life when I got older. This is when entrepreneurship and self-reliance became a serious interest of mine.
I was in 4th grade when this happened. My mom went to the hospital from overworking. I was a child, so a parent in the hospital longer than an hour meant death-- and I didn't want my mom to die. So when she came home, I made it priority to help in the house cleaning and keeping things in order at home so she did not have to worry about those things so much, if at all.
This is led me to becoming very watchful of my family, and also very keen in keeping things orderly.
At this point of my life, while I have always been very defensive of my sister, I wasn't as defensive at this stage. I was popular, or at least felt like I was. And I was willing to do almost anything to make people like me, even if it meant poking fun at my sister or letting others do it as long as they didn't physically hurt her. So one night at my mom's business, I was poking fun at her hair in front of her and some of the older students my mom had. My mom was in the other room, and me and my sister were just waiting for my dad to come get us. My dad showed up, and around that time, their parents did too. As soon as they left the room, my sister burst in tears and my parents asked what happened and she told them that I was making fun of her in front of the others. At that point in my life, I didn't realize how much it hurt her, nor did I ever pay attention, let alone think of how it might. When I saw that, there was no amount of scolding from my parents that could make me feel any worse than I already did. I in fact hated myself for a long time afterwards because I never meant/wanted to hurt my sister like that. So after that-- though we argued like brothers and sisters do, I swore to her and myself that I would never do anything like that again, or let anyone else do something like that to her. So my over protection has been in overdrive ever since.
This is the game that made me interested in creating videogames.
This is the author got me interested in writing stories instead of comics.
This is what made me want to get into making films believe it or not. This film of all films was the one that triggered that passion for me. Before I saw this film, I didn't think movies could deliver the adrenaline rush/intensity that I felt was easier to convey via comics. It was non stop action-- explosions, comedy, fighting, unpredictable, great music. Heck, I made believers out of others. This film inspired myself, and my best friends at the time, Aaron and Arik, to pursue movies as a career (ultimately they didn't though) in nyc upon graduating from high school. The old days...
This was my first time in NYC. They took us down 42nd Street before Disney came in and helped clean it up, so the streets were paved with porno shops, strip clubs, and scantily clad women. Obviously, this was not what our school expected/planned for us to see, but as a teenager who felt like his current living area was too slow for him and of course, as a teenager hormones are raging-- nyc and 42nd street proved the answer I had been looking for. And thus, my journey to live in nyc began at this point.
I love to dance. I was into clubs before I was ever allowed to enter them. Music is just in my family. My mom, aunt, and uncle loved to dance; my grandma (on my mom's side) loves to dance; my grandfather was a dj up until the year before he passed, and he along with all of his brothers were musicians-- it's in my blood. So when high school hit, though by then, I had stopped dancing, I still liked going to dances-- but I wanted to go with my best friends at the time. Throughout elementary, Tom & Pat were my best/closest friends, but when we hit 8th grade, while we still considered each other best friends, we did grow apart some and I started hanging out with Aaron and Arik more. The two of them would remain my best friends throughout high school, but then that would stray once college hit. While in high school, though, there were differences between us, one of the biggest was going to dances-- they didn't like going. Going to dances at that time for me was like going to clubs and parties in college-- its something you did with your best friends. It was more fun that way. I didn't know that they, Arik and Aaron, weren't into dances. My parents could tell, but I was young. My thing was hey, best friends are suppose to like all of the same things (except the same girls-- that we couldn't share). So anyhow, it happened a couple times-- dances would come up, we'd all talk about going all the way up to it, and then the night of the dance, they would cancel out for one reason or another. The moment they cancelled out, then I didn't want to go either. Sure I knew folks at high school, but I didn't know them like that, they weren't my best friends, so that wasn't incentive. I don't think I missed a dance at our school the 4 years I was there except for maybe once or twice, but this is why this was so significant. One of those times they bailed out, my dad literally got on me about it. He would always say before, don't let anyone hold you back just because they don’t want to do the same thing as you. And I would just mope around about it and say yeah yeah, and ultimately go, and have a somewhat good time, but it just wasn't the same, you know. But like I said, one of those times, my dad went at me about that, and it stuck. After that, I did accept it and I would go, and I would have a good time, so much so that I stopped even inviting them because I knew they wouldn't come.
The significance of this is that particular lesson, of not being scared to venture off solo if no one is willing to support you, and I would ultimately live by that from that point on. For the rest of high school, and college and beyond, I got into that mental that I didn't care to wait for others if I got the impression they were wasting time. I would have to say that lesson is what basically led me in the direction of becoming comfortable walking my own path. The problem hit when I got to a point where I found myself more comfortable rolling solo than with groups. Nowadays, I don't mind either or, but that particular lesson is where it all started.
These two albums are what made me the lover of hip hop that I am today. Don't remember which one I heard first, I just remember hearing them both through one of the kats in my class-- Anthony Smaack. He was a hip hop head-- all of us claimed to be. A couple years later, the two of us would argue over who was a better rapper and who was going to have a better album when it dropped-- DMX (my choice) or Canibus (his choice)-- guess who won that one (though I will admit that Canibus is a better rapper in terms of lyrcism). But anyhow, this was important because those two albums are what paved the way for me liking more of the grimy/atmospheric type of rap that I still tend to have a preference for today. I could listen to those albums and ,the music itself more so than the lyrics, use to literally get me inspired for drawings and stories. These were the first albums I also got copies of (by copying them to tape) that were parental advised (because I was not allowed to purchase, own, listen to any albums of that type in my house), and that I learned how to disguise from my parents in case they ever decided to go through my stuff. It would be the start of a trend. Soon to follow would be Doggystyle, Ready To Die, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, It Was Written, and Illmatic just to name a few.
The other significance-- the Method Man album-- was my first intro to the Wu Tang Clan, and anyone who knows me now knows how big of a fan I was of their material, particularly their early material-- affiliates and all. It's funny because I still remember the conversation now about that when I gave the tape back to Anthony and said that I kept hearing him (Method) mention Wu Tang this or that throughout the album. I was like -- "is he part of the Wu Tang Clan?" because I had heard of the group, but never knew anything more about them aside from their name. Anthony and my other black classmates all turned to me like 'what?' And then they started naming off the other members of the group and who they thought was the illest MC out of the clan. Then I remember one of them saying that Ol' Dirty Bastard was in it, who of course, I recognized the name because I remembered his album cover and how funny it looked to me-- and again, I was like-- "he's part of that group too?"-- and I was so sincere when I said that its sad. Yeah, they saw me as hopeless, lol.
Alright this right here was probably one of THE most monumental situations of my life. She was known as Deedee back at high school. Yep, this is about a girl. The girl that I was sprung over from the moment I saw her until even a couple years into college, but was always too scared to speak to her. When I first entered high school, I had this I don’t care attitude. My clothes didn’t match-- but I didn't care. Check my freshman year high school picture. Our dress code required we wore a shirt, tie, and dress pants-- never said anything about it matching. Didn't care for music more so than I was already into it. At the time, my closest friends were Arik and Aaron, and they listened to nothing but alternative music-- so guess what I was into for the most part? Didn't know how to curse right, didn't know how to speak slang right-- didn't care. Didn't know how to dance either-- didn't care. Loved going to them, but I knew the MC Hammer moves I was able to get away with back in elementary weren't going to fly in high school. Didn't care to dress myself up to impress any females either-- too shy, too insecure-- didn't care....until one faithful dance my sophmore year-- first of the year in fact. I can remember it like it was yesterday, and I can remember the feeling I got the moment our eyes met-- never felt anything like that before-- ever. That stuff they say about love at first sight, I would say folks are crazy when they speak on that, IF I had not experienced what I had. Granted I was young, so I don't know if you could call it true love or just adolescent/innocent love at first sight or whatever, but I just know it hit way too hard and fast to be just a crush, and it even makes me a little embarrassed to admit to it now.
She was the reason for a lot of changes I decided to make in my life at that time and I doubt she knows or ever will. All those 'don't cares' above suddenly became priorities for me to fix asap. If she showed up at our school unexpectedly, which she did a few times, if I saw her, or heard about it in advance (because of course, my great classmates/aka friends who knew her and could link me with her decided to instead rub it in my face and make it as hard for me to get near her as they could make happen) if I did happen to get close to her-- I would freeze up. Lose my voice, get dizzy, heart start beating fast, cold sweats-- it was crazy!!! In more recent years, there were a couple times I ran into her and tried to speak, but now it wasn't me that seem to stray from it, but her. Always wanted to thank her even if she didn't understand why, but hey, who knows- this will probably be the closest I get to it and that's if she ever reads this. Only girl I ever chased-- and yet ran from at the same time, lol. But regardless I can confidently say I would not be who I am now, let alone half the guy, if it wasn't for meeting her.
Its not as bad as it sounds-- honestly. It was all for fun. Back in high school, the guys I rolled with had a tradition-- if it was your birthday, we'd jump the birthday boy. And man, we would plot days and weeks in advance, especially if we knew the person was going to try to run. It wouldn't be anything painful, just boys play fighting that's all-- but it would be at least 4+ of us going after one individual. And it might be different groups of us going after one person throughout the day. Junior year, I became one of the primary instigators of everyone else's bday bashings. So of course, I had a lot of people waiting for my bday to arrive. Thing was, around that time, I had just seen The Usual Suspects for the first time. Like many who helped make it a classic film, Keiser Sosai (if that's how you spell it) was the man. And I suddenly had an idea to get out of being jumped. And I set it up so well-- and it worked. Folks were waiting by my locker at the end of the day-- straight waiting-- a group of them-- while I had made arrangements to walk out the school undetected. And it worked. Of course, me being me at the time, I couldn't resist finding out how folks responded, so instead of waiting until the next day, I went back about an hour later to see how pissed folks were that I never showed to my locker, and sure enough, got jumped-- but not by the massive group I would've been jumped by because everyone had went home. The point is, it was a turning point- the first time I learned, for myself, how mind could conquer physical strength.
Canada was the promise land (aside from nyc) before I moved away for college. But like most promise lands at the time, I was unable to go to it. Family kept saying they didn't want me to go alone, that they would take me-- but they never wanted to take me. All the clubs that I was old enough to enter were there. Friends from high school were always bragging about their trips up there and how much fun they were having. The main group of friends I would hang with always talked about how they wanted to go, but whenever I would say, lets make it happen, there would be some excuse as to why they couldn't. I wanted to go. By this time, my senior year, I was frustrated with everyone and everything. My closest friends and I were growing apart, hated my job by this time, me and my parents were arguing constantly over my college choices, wasn't too fond of high school either on top of that. Canada was, for me, the answer to much of that. But I was a good boy-- I listened to what my parents told me-- mostly. I don't remember what triggered it, but one night, I said the hell with it and went—wait, actually I do. Me and my family were out at dinner one night and I made mention of how they said they would take me to Canada for my birthday (which they ultimately did), but suddenly, they were both laughing at the gesture and claiming I was making things up. The previous definite suddenly turned into a 'we will see--' and that was enough for me. I didn't care what happened. I knew how to get to where I wanted to go. I had enough money. I could drive. I knew the border patrol questions that would be asked. What was the worst that could happen if I got caught-- I get grounded? Every other week it seemed like I was getting grounded for something, and by then, I was tiring of the dances too (ol' girl I had chased all year had stopped going for the most part, so I lost interest too). So I plotted it out and told no one. I went-- under the disguise of going to see the Titanic since it was such a long film so I had a good justification for missing curfew (I never did see it until the following summer). Had one of the best times of my life (at that time)-- came back, and no one knew-- not even my friends until I decided to tell them. That's when many of them suddenly became bent on going-- go figure. The next time I went they wanted me to let them know because they definitely wanted to roll. It would be a trend that would follow for years later when it came to a lot of people I would get to know over the years-- that everyone would be shook to do something new, or do something at all-- and I would ultimately have to choose to wait for them, risking never doing it at all, or just saying forget them and doing it solo. And of course, after I hit the mountainside and came back, then they would be ready to make the walk with me next time I went. Regardless, this trip was monumental for me because all it did was confirm for me how much I needed to leave my current hometown and go somewhere more active. Also made me completely non-reliant of any of the friends I had at the time, and start to venture off and do many things I typically did with them, by myself-- by choice.
At Canisius High School, every year I was there, until my senior year, nothing was done for Black History Month. And every year, we, the black students, would complain-- amongst each other only of course. We'd called the school racist, and this and that-- and yet, despite all our complaints amongst each other, we never, not once, just approached the school and asked them to do something-- until I did. I remember why too.
Junior year, after another February ended, we were again all talking about how another BHM had passed and nothing had happened. And everyone was talking about what they were going to do next year, and blah blah blah-- same talk as the years before. And it was only 3 or 4 of us there at this time because it was after school, and we were meeting with this woman who use to come by once a week if she could just to visit us and see how we were all doing-- Mama Crystal I believe her name was. So anyhow, she heard all the complaints and at one point just stopped us and was like, ok, I hear you, so what are you going to do about it next year. Around the table we went off-- everyone said they were going to do this and that and make this and that happen and so forth. Then it came to me, and I remember thinking that all the stuff folks were saying I had heard before, even said myself-- and honestly I was tired of talking. So I told her that in front of everyone-- I told her that you know what, I could say I'm going to do a lot of things, but its not going to mean anything unless its done, so I'm going to wait until the time comes next year and see what happens instead. The answer was definitely a break from the norm. I don't remember how long it took me to russle up the strength to approach our principal about it, but I know it was towards the end of the year, and he told me to hold onto the thought until the following year. I didn't know that was his final year. We came back the next year with a new principal. Again I was reluctant, but ultimately, I did approach him. And he took it in, then told me to talk to the president of the school. The president, to my surprise was open to the idea and he directed me to another guy in the school, Mr. Reardon, to help me put it all together. That was the thing too-- I just wanted to bring awareness to the event, but their thing is okay, we can do it, but you have to run it. That was something I did not expect initially and was a little intimidated by the thought. That is where Mr. Reardon stepped in.
Mr. Reardon-- he's the guy for me to thank as to why I approach business the way I do. He was the one that set it in my mind that when it came to a project that you want to do, regardless of what it is, you think big-- you always think big, and then you cut it down as needed-- if needed at that. When I first came to him, I just wanted some posters, maybe some announcements but he thought bigger. I just planned to do it solo because I said I couldn't rely on anyone and I know that if it was just me, I know it could/would get done. He said, open it up to more people to help. More than that, make it an actual club and let the focus be more than just Black History Month, or Black Culture, but all cultures. Funny thing about it was that I had never thought about that before, and after everything had been put in place, I wished I had opened my mouth a year earlier at least. In 1997-1998 school year, my senior year, we did have a Black History Month celebration that included posters, announcements, even attendance to a play, and I think something else, but I dont know what-- possibly a speaker, but I don't remember. Folks did try to take claim, but at least while I was there, those that knew I did it definitely recognized. Thing is I'm not one to gloat, and it was one of the things the president had made mention to me when I started showing fear of someone else taking credit for the work I did. And he said, you have to ask yourself, what's more important to you-- the recognition or the goal. His thing was that the people that need to know will know, but at the end of the day, what is most important to you. Never thought about it until now, but that particular lesson I have lived by for years, part of the reason I prefer to stay in the shadows when it comes to doing things. Attention comes with a price, but so does a lack of. The difference is the ability to control it.
Ok, so here's the calling out names part-- well just one. Its somewhat petty at this point in life, but you know-- screw it. So at the end of the year, I graduated, and Mr. Reardon, and those who had joined the group, mostly other black guys from the school who I knew, all pushed for me to name someone to run it the next year. Thing was, I honestly didn't see any of them really holding it down and the reason was because no one tried to help me set it off when we were talking about it a year earlier-- everyone just talked. But nevertheless, I named someone and that was that. I knew the group wouldn't make it through the next year-- I remember thinking I would be surprised if it made it to BHM again. I found out upon returning to Buffalo for the summer from freshman year that it hadn't. They all came back from the summer of '98 and didn't do anything with it—except take claim for creating it. Supposedly not all of them did, however, they all did, to boost their resumes, give themselves titles like president, vp, etc. But one in particular, Desmond Alexander, was bold enough to lay claim as Founder of the organization-- I guess since he figured that since I didn't go to school there anymore or live in Buffalo, I would not find out. The recognition even helped win him an award or scholarship or something. I read about it, and of course when everyone knew I had come back into town, they all called me to see what I was going to do. And I was 2 sided on it-- part of me did want to hunt the punk down and pull his card on the ordeal. Truth be told, I'm a stand up when it comes to things like that. I give respect where its due and don't respect those who jack credit from others because they're too lazy to man up and do it for themselves. And I have no problem calling someone out on that too if it comes to it. Folks were expecting me to box him or something, or at least stir something up, but I didn't. It was like, its over-- I had been in college for a year by the time I found out-- in another city and state. I had gone through enough my freshman year that something like that seemed so minor. It pissed me off, and hurt to know that the one thing that I could lay claim to that was my contribution, and legacy if you will, to my high school, had been stolen by someone who didn't deserve it, but at the same time, it was like in the bigger picture, what's it matter? It was at one school in a city I had no intention of moving back to. At the end of the day it was simple for me-- I didn't need to lie about what I achieved, and if it came down to it, I had all the paper work to back my claim, but I couldn't gain anything from putting him on blast that was worthwhile. However, I do write it now just because hey, it happened, but regardless for me, it served its purpose.
See this group was significant to me because if there was a such thing as my 'coming out' as a leader of sorts, this was it. You could call me a reluctant leader-- only doing it when I felt there was a need for it and no one else would step up to the plate. But it also showed me how shady people could be, but at the same time, how sometimes the most unexpected people can be the most reliable and supportive. I definitely learned never judge a book by its cover, and it was my first taste of management as well as starting something from the ground up. My first lessons in business I got from this, and in more ways than I realized until this writing, ultimately helped direct me how I would conduct my business all these years later.
I know my people Danielle (whad up!!) is going to read this, and I'm sure she's probably laughing as she does. Friends such as Liz,Kim, Marion, and Mia might wander across this too. And they all know the deal. This is where we all met. AMS-- Associated Medical Schools-- a 3 year summer program that took place at SUNY Stony Brook in '98, '99, '00. I only attended the first 2 years of it. I couldn't bear a 3rd year for more reasons than I can count. This right here-- this was life changing. Aside from meeting some of my now oldest friends, and one of my closest friends, a large portion of the attitude I now carry came from attending this program.
If there's anyone who was a part of this program while I attended it and got to know me, then they'll remember these words pretty well-- "money...what money?" Those 3 words basically set me off and showed a side of me I don't think anyone in my regular life had seen—including myself. Its’ a long story, but lets put it like this-- on paper, this program seemed like the greatest thing, particularly for me-- all expenses paid, they would pay us to go to class, furnished, air conditioned, cable hooked up dorm rooms for 6 weeks in Long Island, just right outside NYC. Mind you, at this time, I was still dreaming of going to nyc, and I had already decided upon going to OSU, so this was a Godsend to me because it meant I got the best of both worlds-- closeness to nyc, over the summers while still going to OSU, so I would never be too far from my goal of moving there. It was destiny from where I saw it.
Yeah, it was destiny alright....If you ever saw the movie the Money Pit with Tom Hanks, then you have an idea of what ended up going down when we got there. I heard it changed, but when we got to the school, Stony Brook, we were living in an area that I had nicknamed the Projects on that campus (it was an area that was under renovation, but we did not know that then). I'm talking about no grass except for what was growing out of the many cracks of concrete we walked on, steel trash cans chained to pillars, bugs hanging out in the showers and bathrooms every morning, roach infestation issues, no air conditioning and it was scorching hot, no cable or furnishings but beds and desk that were clearly used. But none of that compared to when the overseeing counselor of the program on site told us she knew nothing about the money we were contracted to receive. Man-- that was it for me. That set me off in ways that some people who know me probably would not imagine, and every time they would try to 'correct' me or whatever, I would say give me my money first and then we can talk. The chinese-food delivery guy who kept stealing money from people when they went to pay for the food he dropped off. I showed my gratitude to him one evening by handing him a handful of pennies and nickels to pay for mine—and only gave him the exact amount . You can only imagine how happy he was about that, lol.
And then the play--
Now the play was significant because at the time, I had my entertainment dreams. But, I had never had any of my work on display for anybody, was too scared. So we were paired with a couple other groups in the Projects, and they were going to have a talent show. The AMS crew was asked if we wanted to participate-- we said no. So they decided to force us to participate. What wound up being created was a play that I and Kim co-wrote. For me it was a huge deal, more so than I think anyone knew, even Kim, because I saw it in the back of my mind as a testament of if I actually should continue working towards entertainment or not. I mean all of those years of trying to get into it to no avail. By then, I knew OSU didn't have a film program and I was going for computer science, which is what my parents wanted me to do strictly. And of course, there was potentially teaching, something I was also not down for. I needed a sign-- something to let me know if I was doing the right thing in holding on or if I should just let go and accept the fate that my family seemed more inclined to support. This play was that sign for me. If we performed it and people liked it, then I felt I had a future and should continue moving forward with it. If it didn't work and no one liked it, then that was it, I was going to stop these cashmere dreams of mine and let it all go. Well...we received encores. Even the people we were clowning were laughing at themselves-- well most of them. One of the counselors had a vendetta against me afterwards. For the play, me and Kim parodied the entire program, including ALL of the counselors, even oursevles to a degree-- but the target was the counselors. I think folks didn't realize how much we, and particularly I, was watching things, so when they got a glimpse of what was about to happen-- a couple of them got shook. It was humorous. But hey, they asked for it-- we did warn them.
A lot of the good friends I have now I met through this group. This was also the reason that college really became fun for me. NSBE Nationals my freshman year was a turning point in my life and in my college experience. By the time I returned from it, whatever was going on before I had left meant nothing, and since then, I have been a fan/member (whenever I have the $$) of the organization since.
I made this for my class project my freshman year. First video project. I look back at it-- all those guys were my dorm mates. One of the people at the end was our RA-- who myself and my roommates enjoyed terrorizing with pranks the all year. Did this video all in one take-- I was so proud. My professor loved it-- he just didn't understand what I got hit with at the end (it was an actual sword-- we were all martial arts fanatics-- I didn't really get hit with it though-- was just suppose to imply that I was but I moved the camera too quickly). Only complaint from my classmates who saw it was that we cursed a lot- but that is literally how we talked to each other just because we could, lol. That video very much captured my freshman year in that dorm more than I even thought about at the time. At the time, it was just for a class project and a testament to myself if I could really make videos/films at all (like I said, at that time in my life any little thing that showed as a sign if I should keep moving forward in my pursuits in the entertainment business was huge for me because there was nothing else to really hold onto). The guy reading the book in the back-- that was Brad-- one of my dorm mates and closest friends even after freshman year. He got married a couple years ago and I gave him a copy of this video as part of his wedding gift.
Oh let me count the ways I loved this club and it holds a treasured place in my heart-- and ultimately ruined all my future years of club loving as a result of it being so good to me, lol. The Neon....yea. Ok, I'll say it off the back. The Neon turned me out as a freshman in college. You know all those music video club scenes that artists are always trying to portray, like 'this' is what it is like for them in the club all the time-- knowing that its not. Well-- The Neon was the real deal. Anyone that knows me knows how much I loved this place. Weekly, I mean weekly, visits. Every Sunday 10-2am (b/c that's when the clubs closed). End of freshman year-- most of sophomore until it closed down. It is the reason I cannot, and have not, gone to any club since its closing and been able to enjoy it like that. I’ts like that girl who got away that you compare all later girls to-- that no matter how good they are, they just can't compare-- yeah, that's The Neon to me when it comes to clubs. I can't speak on half the stuff I saw, or did, there because my family might read this. Don't get me wrong, it was a hood spot-- straight hood. If you didn't know how to walk in this place, you could find yourself in trouble. But if you did, there were no problems. To myself and my crew, it was like Cheers to us-- everybody knew everyone or somehow was connected to them. DJ was always tight. Crowd, even on the worst nights, was live. It’s like this, even to this day, my cousin told me every now and then he'll cross somebody and they'll talk about clubs and stuff, and if you mention the Neon, if they ever went to it, most of the time, a knowing grin just crosses their face-- like some secret code or something, lol. It’s funny because that’s how it’s remembered to me as well. This club is the reason I didn't want to come home from Columbus after Freshman year ended-- and why I was so happy to go back when sophmore year began. Its also the reason I became a fan of Ginuwine (So Anxious at the end of the night—nuff said for those who know!!) and all that southern rap. You had to be there, that's all I can say. It’s funny because on campus, and even now, most would consider me pretty quiet and too laid back. No comment on that.... :) But the other significance is that this is where I officially met my entourage for most of my college years, and one of my closest friends-- Ms. Charlene Thomas (whad up!!). This was ironically the spot that brought us all together weekend after weekend and solidified our friendship.
The African American Hertiage Festival at OSU. This was interesting. The AAHF was the event for African Americans that attended OSU-- up to at least that year. AAHF had a few names. On campus, to blacks, it was called AAHF. Events like a Step Show, fashion show, poetry slam, cook outs, and performances would take place. Now off campus-- it was called Block Party. High Street was the spot to be. It was like Ohio's own Freaknik. 30,000+ African Americans would come into town just for this event. Clubs were live and having Block Party specials. It was something because I had never heard of it before I attended OSU my freshman year, and after experiencing it once, like most blacks who attended OSU, or lived in Columbus that was around our age, that was the event to look out for every year.
Now, there were issues with it. Case in point-- I mentioned the names of it, but there was another one it was called by others on the campus, mostly non-African Americans, and that was Blackout. Make no mistake, it was meant to be racially offensive. It was not uncommon that for the weekend this took place (weekend-- not month mind you, but one weekend), that a lot the students that were not black would leave town, literally lock themselves in their houses/apartments and only come out if they were forced to for whatever reason like food or something. You would hear complaints about how we (blacks) were taking over the school and that it wasn't fair that we had a weekend, and that people were scared of being shot, robbed, raped, etc-- it was ridiculous and very offensive. And it was one of those things, that myself, not only was annoyed about, but always looked at the bigger picture because during football season, particularly when the Buckeyes were about to play Michigan State, there were always these huge beer parties where not only college students attended, but minors and the likes all up and down High Street and its side streets. Side streets were blocked off for miles--because of football related traffic People's houses were vandalized regularly, cars flipped over, trash can set on fire, etc-- and that's just the stuff that was reported. And this took place over the course of months every year, not 2 days, but months. I remember one of those evenings, they said over 80 trash cans had been set ablaze. Yet, none of this happened during Block Party-- never. There was an incident some years before I got there where someone was stabbed and the cops shot rubber bullets into the crowd-- but that happened once, and I can attest that happened a few times at non-block party events on campus that did not involve african americans while I was there-- yet Block Party was labeled the life threatening event. And attending Block Party, you would think you were in a police state . I'm talking every cop in Columbus, and probably Ohio because High Street is a major street that goes across the city. So imagine cops blocking every side street that crossed it, then on both sides of the side walks of High Street, every 4-5 steps, there was a cop lining the street, plus cops stationed on horses with maybe 10-15 steps apart lining the middle street-- and that was block party. It was crazy and very disrespectful. I state this because now thinking about it, like many African Americans who attended the event and the school, it was very offensive, and it was even worse when you saw the school intentionally doing everything it could to destroy this event and 'control' it to the point that now, no one even knows it exist. It was the reality for us-- the white kids had the football season-- we had our one weekend in May-- and that was taken from us. It was really all we had, so to know it’s a whisper of what it once was is sad. But for those who did get to attend it, despite the over excessive police presence-- it was something you never forgot. It was definitely a highlight of my time at OSU-- just sad to me that alumni after me will never experience that.
So despite all that, this is how it was monumental.
Sophomore year, some things happened in my personal life that ultimately encouraged me to stop holding back my talents and ideas, and to really let them out there and shine. So I did-- I had an idea for Block Party, so I went to one of their meetings in January to present it. There was no more than 5 people there. They nodded their heads to the idea, but it fell down to an issue of money and resources-- there was no support and extremely little funding. In the midst of the meeting, I overheard someone mention they were looking for someone to create something for them-- like a t-shirt maker I think, and I knew someone who was trying to start something like that, so I said I would chat with them and get back to them. A couple days later, I came back to them with a name and number. So then, the leader of the organizing, his name was Marlon I believe, asked if I knew someone who may be able to do something else. Shrugged, said let me think on it, and I believe again, I came back to them with another number. Mind you, this entire time, I had no intention of joining their committee, asking a couple questions to friends and stuff was nothing for me. But then it came a point I guess I was considered an unofficial member of their team, and the real deal hit when Marlon asked me to join the group, and in particular, he wanted me to put together the stage event, which was the biggest event of the entire festival. Yo-- I froze. I distinctively remember that. I was scared out my mind because I didn't think I was ready. I had no experience doing that. My area was in writing and trying to do film, not event planning. I didn't know the first part of it. I told him I would think on it. I went home, talked to a few family members on it. Slept on it, and I mean, I was really nerve wrecked on it. But something hit a day or so later and I was like you know what, screw it, I'll do it. The fear of messing up was there, I just stopped letting it consume me and in its place, I just worked as hard as I could to make sure I did it right. So I took it on... then not long afterwards, I was asked to over see the Poetry Slam...by then I said, heck why not. Then I ended up also co-creating a 3rd event with one of my closest friends to this day-- Monique Johnson (whad up Mo!!)-- which was an art show to replace another project that was ultimately cancelled. I was new to all of this, but at the end of the day, I was actually very comfortable with it, more so than I thought I would be. I was given a lot more credit than I thought I even deserved, even to the point that the individual who was assigned to take over AAHF the following year was actually threatened by me, something I found overly humorous. I guess the reason was that the following year, people just knew I was going to run it, and in fact, when individuals started calling into the school the following year to get things set up, they were asking for me (something I found out through some friends of mine who were on the committee).
This was significant to me because it showed me that I had no reason to run from trying something new. That yeah, not everything works out the way you planned, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn't try. But sometimes, things do work out the way you planned, maybe even better. It's all a gamble, but that fear factor really has no house in it except to make sure you cross your t's and dot your i's.
This time period was probably one of the roughest in my life-- next to the following summer and even this past year. And granted rough for me in comparison to what many others that I know (and even more that I don't personally know) is probably very minor, but this is the year, and it was this particular time period where I can say I grew up. You know when you’re faced with adversity, you have those options of giving up, accepting, or moving on without. Well sometimes, to do the latter, you have to first do what most people in my experience can't move themselves to do-- put themselves in check and stop blaming the world. This summer was big for me because I had to accept a lot of realities regarding a good amount of the people I was around, as well as how I allowed myself to interact with them.
If you read the Education Section first, then you know that this move was a long time coming. I made the move officially in 2002-- I had wanted to move to nyc since 1994 after that faithful class trip. I got there, first thing I did was get a new phone and then go by A Taste of Seafood, a soulfood/seafood restaurant in Harlem that my Uncle Russell had taken me to upon visit to the city the year before when I was checking out colleges for grad school. I remember that I wasted no time when I got there jumping into my industry. Within the first couple days, I made my way first to my college to get things ironed out for me to start in a week or so, then the next stop was to Times Square, but not to sight see. Nope-- I went right into Viacom and started to inquire about internships. Went over to NBC, and FOX and did the same thing. I wasn't playing. Thing was it was a lot harder than I thought. Tried to get into BET to no avail either. I wouldn't intern for a major network until a year later, and it was for ABC, specifically the writing department for All My Children.
I came to nyc with a purpose and even over the years, that realization hasn't faded. I remember coming there and in my mind I had this mental picture of a set of stairs that I had to climb, and I remember seeing those stairs before I got to nyc and how long that flight of stairs was and it just seemed to stretch to the heavens. When I got to nyc, I felt like that stretch had become a lot shorter, that I could see the end of that flight of stairs. But of course, as I learned more and more about the industry, the staircase kept increasing in size. And I always kept that stair case in mind until recently. There were times I felt I had reached its top only to find I had not, that it had extended itself even more, and it always seemed to grow as I learned more. That changed in recent years I finally can say I feel confident that I reached the top of it, but now there's a door I have to walk through and there has been some hesitation on my end, much like with the CCO and AAHF, but hey, its like my Aunt Iris said, better there hesitation than blind confidence because that fear is what's going to make you make sure that you come correct.
This summer was significant because this was when I finally hit that point of comfort where I was ready to seriously dive into entrepreneur endeavors. It was always something that I knew I would go into, but it got to a point that I felt like I never thought I would know when I was ready. Then this summer hit, and really it was a number of factors that all seemed to accumulate at once. The biggest being that I had no reason not to. Couldn't say the education wasn't there, nor the contacts, or the time or ability to manage that type of work. The last piece of the puzzle was to make it happen. I worked a lot before this summer began, but this is when it went into overdrive and the focus shifted to my endeavors more so than others. Overdrive as in I lost interest in clubs and hanging out a lot, and actually preferred staying in and working on the various projects I had going. Two years later (12/08), I can say that journey, despite being as prepped for it as I thought I was, nothing could have prepared me for what I have experienced so far. It’s true when they say it’s one thing to read about something, but it's another when you actually do it.
This was 20 years in the making. And to think I thought we would be out of there by 1990 at the latest. My family's move out of Buffalo triggered a number of things to take place. For me, a lot of things happened at that moment. In terms of my family, it prompted me with an ultimatum regarding my mom's business, her tutoring service, because she was going to close it. I couldn't see her doing that, I just couldn't. It was her life's work, it had just finished a great year and only looked like it was going to improve and I wanted her to have a fall back in case she decided to go back to it. Thing was I had taken up a job with a start up tv network, and I was working as upper management for it, and the workload did constitute the pay. But you know at the end of the day the question was if I was ready to double up or not. I didn't run from it like I had other leadership opportunities before, I was ready. I had no idea the lessons and obstacles I would encounter in the months later, but I did feel it was the right thing to do. Their move also prompted me to move as well because they were going to get rid of a lot of their furniture. I got my first apartment around the same time they all moved as well. As a house warming gift, I got all of the old furniture they were going to toss out if I didn't take it :) It worked out great.
This year-- I can't speak on yet because as I write this (12/16/08), the year isn't over. Plus, I am too close up on it. I can look back on the years prior to and see the growth and what I learned from them, but right now, the lessons of 2008 are still in creation. What I can say is that I know this year was on some other stuff and just as important as the year's noted prior to, just not sure how to put it into words yet, so, it'll have to wait.